Reflective Listening
If you made it all the way through my "five little things to do" post, you've already read this one. It is such an effective tool that I wanted to give it its own post, so it can be referred to again.
Repeat what someone is telling you, especially if they are raising their voice or repeating themselves – that indicates that they really want to be heard and might not think you’re listening.
· When you say “I hear you saying that ……………….(repeat exactly what they said)”, you are NOT agreeing with them. You are proving that you are hearing what they are saying. This can open the door for clarification and connection.
· If your child is yelling “mommy, they sky is falling, the sky is falling”, you can immediately say, “I hear you saying ‘the sky is falling’.” Then see what comes next.
· When a person is repeating or raising their voice, it is likely that ignoring them will make them more agitated, arguing with what they are saying first will keep them from feeling that you connected with what they are saying or move you further away from connecting with what is underneath their opening statement.
· Once you get more familiar with our shared needs in the nonviolent communication process, you will find that many times we are arguing over and fighting for the very same values.
· When we slam on the brakes before we truly hear someone, we may feel in control of the situation, but that control stance is only determining that disconnection and separation are all that is possible in that moment.